Rant
by joedan84
Summary: Lex, Lana, Clark, Pete, Whitney, and Chloe rant. Not to be taken seriously! If you don't want to read a fic making fun of Smallville, don't read this one!


Started and Finished: April 24, 2002  
  
Last Episode Seen Before Writing: Reaper  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these character.  
  
RANT  
  
Author's Note: I am totally obsessed with Smallville. Recently I noticed (in Stray, and Reaper) that all Lex talked about for those two episodes is his father and his "tragic history." It started to get a little annoying (think Clark always staring at Lana like he has no life!) so I decided to write a little fic about his ranting. I tried writing it with him doing all the ranting, but it failed miserably. So, I added all the other characters and had them complain about things that they never shut up about or that bother me. It is not to be taken seriously! I mean no disrespect! (I just wanted to add that I am sooo sorry for making fun of Chloe. Truth is, she's my hero and I couldn't make myself leave her out of any of my stories. Sorry, Chlo!)  
  
At The Talon:  
  
Clark: Hi, Lex  
  
Lex: My father hates me.  
  
Clark: I don't know who my father is. See, I'm from another planet.  
  
Lex: My dad treats me like I'm from another planet. It's because I'm bald!  
  
Clark: It's all my fault! If I hadn't come here, the meteor wouldn't be here to hurt people.  
  
(Enter Chloe)  
  
Chloe: Did someone say meteors?  
  
Lex: I have no hair.  
  
Chloe: You know, I have a theory about that.  
  
Clark: It's probably my fault.  
  
Lex: It's my dad's fault. He messed up my life, you know.  
  
Chloe: It's probably because of the meteors.  
  
Clark: That means that that's my fault, too!  
  
(Enter Lana)  
  
Lana: Clark, you look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders again.  
  
Clark: It's my fault your parents are dead.  
  
Lana: My parents are dead?!? Oh, wait. I knew that. This necklace is made of the meteor that killed them.  
  
Chloe: I have a theory about that!  
  
Lex: My mom died. I was raised by my father. Did I mention that my dad hates me?  
  
Lana: My dad's dead.  
  
Clark: It's all my fault!!  
  
(Enter Pete)  
  
Pete: What's all your fault?  
  
Lana: My parents are dead.  
  
Pete: I'd comment on that but I only have three lines left!  
  
Chloe: I have a theory about that. It's because of the meteors.  
  
Clark: That means it's my fault!  
  
Lex: No, we already established that everything's my dad's fault. He's a bad man.  
  
Pete: I know, he put my parents out of business.  
  
Lana: My parents don't have a job.  
  
Pete: Your parents are dead.  
  
Lana: They are?!?  
  
Clark: Yes, I did it.  
  
Chloe: I've been researching that and I think I have a theory.  
  
Lex: My dad's been researching me. He doesn't trust me.  
  
(Enter Whitney)  
  
Whitney: My dad's dying.  
  
Lana: My parents are dead, Whitney.  
  
Clark: I killed them! It's all my fault.  
  
Pete: It's not your fault Clark. Dammit! I just used my last line!  
  
Chloe: It's okay, I'll use my contacts to see if I can get you some more.  
  
Lex: My dad wears contacts. he wore them when he stole my girlfriend.  
  
Clark: I don't have a girlfriend. I'm in love with Lana.  
  
Whitney: My dad's sick. I don't have time for Lana.  
  
Lana: It's because my parents are dead, right?  
  
Lex: My mom's dead.  
  
Chloe: I have a theory about that!  
  
Pete: (Gesturing wildly.)  
  
Lana: You look like a dying fish. Dying?!? My parents are dead.  
  
Lex: My dad took me fishing once. He used me as bait.  
  
Clark: I need some bait for Lana.  
  
Whitney: I don't have time for Lana.  
  
Chloe: I have a theory about that. It involves the meteors.  
  
Lana: This necklace has a piece of the meteor that killed my parents. Did I mention that my parents are dead?  
  
Clark: I'd die for you Lana.  
  
Chloe: Then I'd find a way to bring you back using the meteors. I have a theory.  
  
Lex: My dad loves theories. His theory about me is that I'm a bald loser.  
  
Whitney: I'm losing Lana and I don't even know it!  
  
Clark: It's all my fault!  
  
Pete: (Shakes his head and rolls his eyes in defeat.)  
  
Chloe: I have a theory about that.  
  
Lana: I have a theory about how my parents died. They got hit by a meteor.  
  
Lex: The meteors made me bald and my dad hates me.  
  
Whitney: My dad's dying, but I don't want to see him because I want to preserve the memory.  
  
Lana: A memory is all I have of my dead parents.  
  
Clark: (Crying) I cause everyone pain!  
  
Chloe: I have a theory about that.  
  
Lana: My parents are dead.  
  
Lex: Did I mention my dad hates me? 


End file.
